Money and Marriage: Don't Let Money Problems Ruin Your Relationship

Money problems can cause fights and increase tension in a relationship. That is the finding of a survey by Consumer Credit Counseling Service (CCCS) of people who came to the organization for debt or budget counseling.

According to the survey, sixty percent of married respondents report fighting about money with their spouse. In addition, nineteen percent said that financial problems negatively affected their relationships with their parents; while thirteen percent said the same was true for their friends. More than ninety-three percent report that financial problems increased the amount of stress in their lives.

CCCS reports, however, that you can prevent financial issues from ruining your marriage or other personal relationships. "It starts with setting aside the time to talk about money," says Suzanne Boas, president of CCCS. "Discussing the issues calmly can prevent the situation from overheating."

CCCS recommends holding your money discussion in a quiet, neutral place. Decide in advance on ground rules such as staying calm, refraining from character attacks, and putting the issue aside if tempers get heated. If you find you are unable to discuss money calmly, consider consulting a professional financial planner or therapist. Here is a list of potential topics to address in your discussion. The list is geared toward couples, but can apply to any relationship in which money is an issue.

Lay your cards on the table. Honesty and trust are the hallmarks of a strong relationship. Too many people, however, keep financial secrets from their partners. Instead, commit to discussing your financial positions openly. Disclose how much is owed on credit cards, other outstanding liabilities, and your joint and separate assets.

Compare money experiences. Share your values and attitudes about money. Tell how money was handled in each of your households growing up and how you view money today as a result. Realize that families have different approaches to finances; try to remain nonjudgmental about your partner's experiences.

Set joint financial priorities. Separately, each person should write down his or her short and long term goals. Then use these plans and wishes as a starting point for deciding on mutual goals. Priorities may include building up an emergency savings fund, getting out of debt, planning for a new home, starting a family, making major purchases, saving for retirement, or going on vacation. Next, develop a budget to help you meet these goals.

Be realistic about your family's expenses. As you develop your budget, understand that emergencies and unexpected expenses will come up, often at the worst possible time. Be diligent about making regular deposits in your savings account for these unexpected expenses. A dented fender is bad enough without having to fuss over money for the repairs.

Determine which accounting approach is best for your family: joint or separate checking accounts and joint or separate savings accounts. Most couples find it easier to have one checking account for paying bills. But, if you do have separate checking accounts, decide who is responsible for paying which bills. Remember, nothing is set in stone; if one way does not work, try another.

Agree on what you are going to teach your children about finances. Allowances can be a dicey subject for parents. Does one parent think the kids should get paid for doing chores and the other think chores are just part of being a family? Have a united front when it comes to presenting financial issues to your children.